Jaws: The Revenge

The shark was clearly a Michael Caine fan

Somehow, the shark knew that Michael Caine was flying the plane to the Bahamas and simply had to follow his idol.

Either that or he simply wanted Caine dead in retaliation for Beyond The Poseidon Adventure.

This film is well made and the performances are pretty good but the whole thing is silly beyond repair. Was the shark psychic? Was Ellen Brody psychic? Was the log that Sean Brody was clinging onto whilst being eaten psychic? Who cares?

Perhaps the shark in the Bahamas was a different shark? Perhaps the Brody's had a shark for each day of the week? Perhaps the whole thing was a dream - surely the most logical explanation. However, I do not want to bail out the film makers on this one.

They are guilty as charged. Case dismissed.

• Potential Kermode

Man, people really hate these last two sequels, eh?

I don't even think 'Jaws 3-D' is as awful as most fellow reviewers think and that's the case again with 'Jaws: The Revenge'. It's bad, but it's not that bad. It makes little sense, though to be fair it is from a franchise that is all about a huge human-killing shark; despite sharks, in fact, not actually being all that keen on our rotten flesh.

Michael Caine is somehow in this. Well, I say somehow... a trip to the Bahamas and a nice paycheck likely made it entirely logical from his view; as he reportedly stated himself. Lorraine Gary, meanwhile, spearheads an average support cast. Speaking of whom, I did find their dialogue and interactions to be very unnatural and forced.

5/10. There are many, many worse films out there though.

Michael Caine must have needed another new swimming pool, otherwise what could have possessed him to turn up for this terribly poor sequel. We all start off with "Deputy Sean Brady" (Mitchell Anderson) sent to clear up some seaborne blockage before the fishing boats return. Needless to say, he encounters the distant cousin of his late father's menacing pal and is soon little more than tooth pickings. This hastens the arrival of the pretty but extremely bland Lance Guest as older brother "Michael" and guess what, the shark seems to have him on his sonar, too. Despite the fairly charismatic efforts of Caine, this whole thing is just nonsense from start to finish, made worse by Lorraine Gary's serious over-acting. There are just no scares. Even the legendary music has been mucked about with to ensure all trace of menace has been removed as surely as if by the (largely mechanical) shark itself. This is also a creature that seems to fancy it is in a "Tarzan" film, judging by it's fearful roaring. Either that, or maybe it is fed up because it has too much Brady stuck in it's incisors? To be fair, there is some fine underwater photography and I've never seen a shark eat a plane before - even one made of wafer biscuits, but sadly though nowhere near as bad as "Jaws 3" (1983), this is a sad end to the franchise that ought never to have been made.